So I initially created this blog as a space where I could reach people with words and talk out my own issues. Now, I would like to transition both this blog and myself to both writing about and questioning life in every way possible.
I am in such a transitional period of my life where I am now a college graduate, and there is all of this societal pressure to obtain certain goals by certain times. I immediately began pursuing job opportunities and thinking about how much money I could make and which school I should pursue higher education at and what age I will then finish that degree.
The pressure derives from several places not only society, it comes from family, and most significantly it comes from within. I think especially in this generation we have been given this map of what and when we are supposed to accomplish our aspirations, and adding anxiety onto that makes it incredibly hard to derail from that path.
Lately, all my time and energy has been into creating this plan that will make me a good candidate to potential employers, and a successful daughter. But I stopped checking my email and looking over my resume to do a short yoga sequence as both my mind and body were just so tense and frustrated. And afterwards, my mind was open and I was listening to this beautiful background song, and I just let my mind wander.
I thought of my professional goals and all of the uncertainties that those goals are weighed down with. I thought of how I am 100% unsure of how to reach these goals, and how the goals themselves are constantly changing. I thought about how I’m trying to find the mold of what and who I am supposed to be. And I thought of how exhausting it has been, not even two weeks after finishing my undergraduate degree.
I thought of my family, and how I have lost several people at such a young age. And I wondered if they got to do everything they always wanted. I thought about myself, and how I am not promised tonight, or the morning. I thought about how people are just conditioned to follow this relentless cycle of going to school, finding a job, celebrating halloween, celebrating christmas, celebrating valentines day, then wishing for summer, then wanting fall. And in the midst of all of this, working yourself to death, not spending enough time with friends or family, not playing with your dog outside enough, and overall thinking that regardless of everything you have accomplished, it is still not enough in this world that demands prosperity at all costs.
I thought about the book I am currently reading about a woman who is a Harvard professor with immense publications and prestige, who develops early onset Alzheimers, and how as her disease is progressing, she could careless about her lectures or making the meeting or having a tailored suit, and more about seeing her daughters act in a play, having dinner with her husband and remembering kissing him. She wanted more sunny days, and more of her favorite treats. She wanted more happiness before life was ripped away from her.
I think that people, myself 100%, get so wrapped up in trying to do what you’re supposed to that you then neglect all of these other desires because of “lack of time” or the costs. And I think we need to focus on balance. I know that I want to help animals, and I want to change policies regarding animal cruelty and domestic violence. But I also know that I love reading about philosophers and neurological conditions that affect ones learning abilities. I know that I love running in the yard with my dog, and that one of my biggest dreams is to learn piano.
Although one does not need a year new to initiate self-reflection or to embrace change, or to challenge oneself in these ways, it’s a good way to start a new beginning. So, here is to another year of blogging and may it be more about lessons learned, ambitions, and life experiences than anything else.