Crushed

Today I found out that the guy I’m in love with, has been giving his number out to other women. It’ s been three days since he’s broken up with me. Yes, my heart is broken. Yes, bourbon has become apart of my breakfast. But something in me was trying to keep it as civil and friendly as possible.

Then I hear this, and all of that goes out the window. My heart just dropped into my stomach and I couldn’t stop shaking. I don’t understand. He said he didn’t have the time to be with me, but he has time to give his number out and tell this girl that he would love to get to know her more? My blood is boiling.

After him making a scene, I told him that I knew what he had done and he just kept babbling about how I didn’t make sense. He was caught. Three days after being with me for many months. Being in love, slow dancing at a park, writing poems for him, hands intertwined swinging while we walk together. And he’s already trying to talk to someone new?

I feel so stupid and angry that I let this happen, and even more so that I feel this way. I couldn’t even fathom talking to someone else right now or even months from now, and have absolutely no desire to “hook up” with anyone. I don’t know if this is just his desperate attempt to have sexual relations with anyone he can, or if he’s just a shitty person and never actually loved me.

I’m hurt, I’m angry. I’m crushed.

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