Anxiety vs. Faith (journal style)

This entire year I have worked rigoursly in all aspects of my life and lately I just cannot seem to pull it together. I see friends with jobs and internships and I’m just here idly floating, undecided of the path I wish to take in life, and so I fill my days with thoughts and writing and planning out adventures. I’ve always dreamed of just going out and making a difference, and it seems like now I’m just stuck, stagnant in this hole of feeling ashamed. I can see it in my parents, wondering what I’m doing with my life.

Yes, I long for days feeling free and sitting with nature, having the sun hit my bare skin and taking pictures I will cherish. But thats the thing about anxiety. It makes you feel guilty for wanting those things when you don’t have a plan for he future. Living in the moment becomes stressful and nobody understands. I just go day by day bottled up acting like everything is fine when I’m on the brink of a mental breakdown.

I saw a rainbow today after a sun shower and all I can think is, will things change from here? People say I’m young and that things will work themselves out but I’m having a hard time believing them.

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