Darkness

Have you ever just broken down for no reason? Or maybe it was for several reasons of which did not seem significant until you broke down. You’re just left to sit there alone in your vulnerable state of mind, in no condition to talk to anyone without looking derrranged or suicidal. You just cry and and cover your face ashamed that this is what you look like at 8pm on a Sunday evening. You know that absolutely no one will understand if you tried to explain, no matter how bad they wish they could relate. Trapped helplessly in the pit of your mind, while your pain swirls around mocking you insinuating that in fact, you are weak. You put on this front everyday cracking jokes, and being hyped up on coffee to make sure you keep on living, only to end up crashing down alone.

Then the hysteria will slow and you can hear the voice in your head more clear so you become angry. Angry because you’re young and have so many desires and plans for the world and here you are in pieces on the floor. How do you expect people to see you for a brilliantly strong woman who wills to change the world if it kills her, if you do not see that yourself? You wait for that soul to come around not to provide for you, or to parade around the streets with, but the companion you can lean your head against and won’t have to say a word because they just get you. Someone to say don’t worry I have your back, and when you feel as if you’re about to crumble from all the weight on your shoulders, I’ll be right there to carry some of it for you.

Until that day, you’re all you have. No one can save you but yourself, and sometimes your worst enemy is you. The one who looks in the mirror disgusted with its reflection. The one who interacts with millions of people a day and yet feels like no one ever recognizes her. The one that was placed on this earth solely to help the helpless, and she cannot even help herself.

 

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